


The Hollow Man

by borginburks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, BAMF Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, CACW killed me, Guilty Steve, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony, Non-Canonical Character Death, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7197131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borginburks/pseuds/borginburks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The blood pools around him, spreading out at an alarming rate and he can feel the stinging cold of the Siberian wind creep inside the cracks in his suit. This is how Tony Stark dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. nebula

This is the way the world ends.

The blood pools around him, spreading out at an alarming rate. 

It appears almost black in the dimly lit warehouse, a sharp contrast against the bright metallic red of his suit. The armor is worse for wear; paint chipped and long grooves scratched in, parts of it ripped nearly clean off and the communications system offline.

He can feel the stinging cold of the Siberian wind creep inside the cracks. It has already numbed his face, providing a small relief to the shiny black eye and split lip he’s sporting. 

He coughs; short, violent spasms that leave his throat even drier. He tries to get up. His head swims, vision darkens and fades at the edges leaving a clear ringing sound in his ears. Turning his head to the side, he spits crimson on to the floor; it leaves his mouth tasting like iron. 

There are no more second chances. He closes his eyes and sees blue; the wide stretching ocean, outer space - dotted with billions of stars and nebulae, the cerulean of Steve’s eyes.

He thinks of his parents. His mama with her clever eyes and soft smiles and Howard's solemn face telling him he is his greatest creation. He remembers thinking it was too little, too late but his heart still swelled upon seeing his father, for once in his life, be proud of him. 

He thinks of the people he loved, all in their own way. Ty and Rumiko, Rhodey and Pepper. Jarvis - who raised him as his own, Yinsen - who told him, so long ago, not to waste his life. Obie - who snuck him candy when he was a kid, visited him at MIT when the days got too long and the burn of alcohol became too familiar, bailed him out of every mess he got himself into as an adult.

The same man who tried to have him killed.

He thinks of the new family he though he had built himself. Bruce, Natasha, Clint. All people with too much hurt in their hearts and too little love to give, but they made it work. If only for a little while, but Tony learnt long ago that good things don't last. In the end, everybody leaves - Pepper only proved that point, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. 

He thinks of Steve. Steve who took off, was it minutes or hours ago? Steve who abandoned him - left him to die. The shield lies a few feet away - gleaming with his blood. 

He wonders what his father would think, his favorite creation killing his "greatest" one. 

Time trickles by. The pictures in his head fade to white, black dots cloud his vision until he is left blind; his skin has begun to freeze in the cold; purple lips and fingers green. Breathing becomes a struggle as his body stops shivering, accepting it's fate. Consciousness leaves him as he succumbs to the darkness. 

This is how Tony Stark dies. 

Not with a bang, but a whimper.

\--

Wakanda is sweltering.

Steve thought he understood humidity - the mugginess of Brooklyn on a hot summers day, but that was nothing compared to this. 

He peels of his shirt, which clings to him, slick with perspiration from his morning run, and makes his way to the shower.

They have been here for almost a month now, and as beautiful as the country is - it is still foreign and Steve’s bones hurt with intensity of how much he misses New York. 

The common room is full when he gets there; Wanda stands looking out the window, Clint is perched on the sill next to her. Scott is recounting a story, gesturing wildly to Sam who shakes his head and laughs. Bucky sits in the corner, silent and watchful.

The room is suffocating in a way that has nothing to do with the temperature. 

He turns on the TV and Tony Stark’s face stares back at him. The picture is clearly not recent, he looks younger, less fatigued. The causal smirk on his face makes Steve's heart ache. 

The truth is, he misses Tony more than he'd like to admit. He had hoped that they might be able to reconnect after this whole disaster was over, but that dream was crushed after one letter and about a dozen voicemails were left un-responded. 

Headlines flash at him, "Steve Rogers and the Winter Soldier - James Barnes still on the run, Secretary Ross to give formal statement about United Nations bombing in Vienna, Iron Man still reported missing." 

The last one catches his attention, he is not the only one, Clint scoffs from behind him “Stark too scared to show his face after the shit-show he caused? What an asshole.”

Steve’s breath catches in his throat.

He thinks of the last time he saw the man. He notices Sam giving him a concerned look from the corner of his eye.

“He’s a coward,” Wanda drawls, “Thinking he can run away from all of his problems.”

The screen changes, a petite blond woman stands in front of the camera, chaos unfurls behind her, a row of sky-scrapers in flames, what is probably hundreds of people stuck inside.

Fire-trucks surround the buildings but the flames are spreading too rapidly, the camera zooms in on a man attempting to scale down the side, the smoke surrounds him and he is seen falling to his death.

“- super-villain Firebrand has claimed responsibility for this act which he declares part of the fight against corporate America, the Mayor of New York City has issued a state of emergency and urges citizens to stay inside until the situation has been taken care of.”

The camera pans to Vision flying above and trying to get people out. 

Wanda gives a sharp inhale from behind him. 

“The Avenger Vision is aiding in helping survivors, with War Machine, the now honorably discharged Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes paralyzed, Iron Man still missing, and the remaining members of the team on the run, he is the only one present.”

“Do you think Stark has not heard about this yet?” questions T’Challa from where he walked in a minute ago. “It is unlike him to take a back seat in times of conflict.” "He's probably partying it up on some island in the Caribbean by now," says Clint, but even he sounds uncertain.

Steve’s eyes are glued to the screen, searching for any sign red and gold flying through the sky.

“The President of the United States has just announced that any rogue Avengers who can help will be given full pardon for all prior offenses-”

Steve turns around, everyone is looking at him, "You know what we have to do," he tells them.

"You can't possibly believe that Steve," Clint argues, "It's clearly a trap, I wouldn't put it past Stark to pull something like this." "Tony wouldn't" Steve responds.

"He already gave us up to Ross once, whose to say he won't do it again?." answers Wanda. "I don't trust Stark" Sam interjects, "but if we're going to be paranoid enough to think every situation is just some elaborate scheme he cooked up, we're not going to get much done." 

"I need to go home," says Scott, "I've got a daughter waiting for me, this isn't something I can pass up. I don't know about you guys but I'm going." Steve turns to Bucky, "I'm with you, Stevie," he assures. 

Steve looks back at them, "This isn't a decision I can force you into, it's one you'll have to make, but I can't sit around knowing there are innocent people dying and do nothing about it. This is why we pushed for the Accords, so we would be able to do our jobs without restriction. We can't call ourselves heroes if we aren't helping out those in need." 

He turns to T’Challa. 

“How fast can you get us to New York?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! The next chapter should be up this before next week, and it will mostly deal with the ramifications of Tony's death and its effect on his loved ones - namely Steve. Civil War left me with way too many feels and I had to find some way to express them!
> 
>  
> 
> (Inspired by "The Hollow Men" by T. S. Eliot)


	2. star

By the time they land in New York much of the buildings are reduced to rubble, fire-trucks parked at every other block and the air thick with smoke. 

Steve thinks the worst is over until he hears the screaming, glancing back at the team he starts running towards the source - a bank that has erupted into flames. Vision is floating in and out through the windows, trying to get people out. Distantly Steve sees a man getting away, both of his fists on fire. He runs towards him “I see Firebrand, you guys get everybody out of there.”

He sprints, tackling the villain to the ground and holding him down, the man sneered at him and Steve feels his hands growing hot where he is holding him until he can no longer hold on. Firebrand makes to get away but is quickly knocked to the ground with a swift punch to the jaw.

Steve looks up to see Bucky above him, “You alright there Stevie?” “Yeah, I’m okay Buck, lets get him put away,” he responds, nodding towards the man, “Don’t even try pulling that trick,” Bucky growls at the villain, new vibranium metal fingers closing threateningly against his neck, “The arms fire proof.”

By the time they get back the rest of the team has already evacuated the building and gotten everybody out. Vision stands beside Wanda, who Steve sees smiling for the first time in over a month. 

S.H.I.E.L.D has also arrived, and Firebrand is quickly taken into custody. “Captain Rogers,” Steve turns to see Maria Hill, looking tired but terrifying as always, “Ma’am” he nods at her.

“It’s been a long day, take a few days off. We’ll need you to come in after that, decide what we want to disclose to the public, have a press conference, sort things out. For the time being the safest place for you all is the tower”

“I don’t think Starks going to like that” interjects Clint. “Starks missing, has been for the past month. We've sent out search parties but there's not a trace of him, nothing that shows he's been active since then.” she responds wearily. “Have you asked Pepper? Maybe he’s in Malibu, laying low,” asks Steve.

“Neither Ms.Potts nor Rhodes knows where he is” Vision responds, “F.R.I.D.A.Y is also unable to track his location which means he has either turned his suit off or it is not working.”

Icy dread settles into his stomach, he turns towards Bucky, who appears to be having the same thought as is evident by the slight panic that spreads across his features. 

“-to debrief. It’s good to have you back.” Maria smiles at them, turning and getting into the chopper waiting for her. “Mr. Lang, do you need a ride?”

\--

The tower is exactly as they left it, not a thing to betray the fact that they were even gone. The common room feels cold and empty, and Steve can feel the extent of Tony’s absence hit him for the first time.

He hears rustling in the kitchen and moves to pick up his shield before remembering, with a pang in his chest, that it’s not there.

Behind him Bucky has his gun raised, and Clint is standing in position, arrow ready to shoot. He creeps closer until a familiar head of scarlet hair greets him. Natasha turns around, holding a crisp red apple in her hand, “It’s about time.”

“Nat” Clint breathes behind him, dropping his bow and wrapping his arms around her, “Where have you been?” “It’s good to see you too, birdbrain, I’ve had some loose strings to tie up” she smiles. “Soldat”, she nods at Bucky extending her hand to him, he looks at it for a second before shaking tentatively. 

“Steve,” she turns to him, worry seeping into her features “We have to find Tony”

“Stark’s a big boy, he can take care of himself” says Clint. “It has been over a month and no one knows where he is,” she interjects. “You’re the last person who was with him, Steve.”

“What really happened in Siberia? questions Sam.

He sighs, “Tony attacked Bucky, I had to protect him, we fought, he was conscious when we left him, I thought he was fine.” “He didn’t seem to want to fight no more when he came to see me, man” says Sam, “Something must have happened between then.”

“Zemo said he wanted to tear the Avengers apart,” answers Bucky, gruffly beside him. “He played Stark a video, of me killing his parents.” 

“Wasn’t you” says Steve, “Wasn’t your fault.”

“But he already knew about that” says Natasha, sounding frazzled, “Right Steve, he had to know about that, that was three years ago Steve, you told him about that right?”

Silence. He looks at his feet, unable to face the disappointment in her eyes. “He trusted you” she whispers, “and for three years you lied to him.”

“You let us think he just attacked you out of nowhere Steve” says Clint bitterly, “Let us put all the blame on him.”

Realization crashes down on him. “I have to go back” he says, “He could be hurt, someone could have taken him.” 

“I’m going with you,” breathes Natasha, regaining some of her composure, “Me too” replies Sam.

“I shall stay here with Wanda, and keep watch,” states Vision. “Count me in,” says Clint, “I’m going too,” says Bucky, “Buck-,” Steve gets ready to argue, “No Steve, I’m going, it’s the least I can do.”

They get into the quinjet as the sun is setting, Wanda and Vision wave at them from the roof of the tower as they rise higher into the burnt orange sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, another cliffhanger! sorry about that, but stay tuned for the next chapter, which is when they find Tony, or whats left of him, and let the angst begin. 
> 
> hope you guys liked it, make sure to comment/kudos if you did <3
> 
> next chapter should be up in about a week.


	3. neutron

The sun has already set behind the mountains when they arrive in Siberia.

The abandoned facility is painted in shadows and freezing cold. 

Steve is strung tight as a bow; jaw set and shoulders straight, worry eating away at him. Natasha gives him a small smile, resting her hand on his arm, “We’ll find him, Steve.”

They climb down the stairs, silent and on-edge. Bucky stands tense beside him, gun in each hand. Across the room Steve sees a familiar red and gold suit slumped against a pillar, “Tony” he yells, running at him, but the relief is short-lived.

“Tony - oh my god,” the air is knocked out of his body as the world tilts off its axis. His empty stomach clenches at the sight and he turns around and dry-heaves on to the floor. 

Behind him he can hear Natasha falls to the ground, but his eyes are glued to the body in front of him. 

It is unquestionably Tony. 

The ice has preserved his features but his skin is yellow and waxy, sunken into his gaunt face, his nose, ears, and lips are almost black, dried blood sticks to his chin and the entire area surrounding him, his eyelashes are white with frost and one corner of his mouth is stuck up in a parody of a smile. 

A thin layer of ice covers the suit, which is looks much worse off than Steve remembers. Beside him sits the shield, mocking him with its existence. 

It looks like something out of a horror movie. Sam kneels at Tony’s feet, his head in his hands and behind him Clint screams into the open warehouse.

His throat burns. Natasha is holding Tony’s armored hand in her lap, as sharp sobs escape her mouth. 

Steve is distantly aware of someone holding his shoulder, “Wake up” he yells, “Wake up, please Tony, please,” he cries but Tony does not move. He lunges forward, tries to shake the man on the floor, strong arms hold him back and Steve's knees give out as he hits the cold cement. 

Tears blur his eyes, spilling down his face, “I love you” he whispers, part of him still expecting Tony to get up, all bright eyes and snarky comments. 

Memories of the man fill his mind.

He can see Tony after a long day in the workshop and before his first cup of coffee, gesturing animatedly with his hands, dozing on the sofa after a work binge, fighting and laughing and living. 

He doesn’t know how much time passes but his cries eventually fade into wheezes, sharp inhales of air that make him feel like a 90 pound asthmatic again. He tries to catch his breath. 

Sam must have left at some point because he returns carrying a stretcher. Bucky and him pick Tony up and gingerly set him on it, covering his body with a sheet and carrying it back to the quinjet. 

Clint stands up and looks at him, features set in disgust, before turning to Natasha and picking her up. She is hunched into his side as they leave, face scrunched up in pain, chin wobbling in a show of emotion he has never seen from her.

Steve rises, with one last look at the part of the floor covered in dried blood, picks up the shield and walks away. 

\--

The ride back to New York is silent save for the occasional sniffle or hiccup. Sam flies the quinjet back. Steve can feel Bucky’s presence beside him, grounding him to the present, but his mind wanders to thoughts of the dark haired man whose dead body is laying less than 20 feet away. 

He closes his eyes and pictures Tony, slowly freezing to death, the cold shutting his body down until breathing became difficult, lying on the floor in an abandoned Hydra warehouse in Siberia, abandoned by the one he called friend, dying - all alone. 

The though makes his skin crawl.

“I killed him,” he whispers, voice hoarse and raw. 

Clint looks up from where he sits across from him, one hand holding the bridge of his nose.

“I thought he was hiding, saving face, called him all sorts of things. Didn’t once think this could have happened. I know what I did Steve, and it’ll keep me awake for the rest of my life but I don’t know how you’re going to live with yourself after this.”

“Its all my fault,” Bucky sighs, “That’s not-” he begins to protest but Bucky cuts him off, “None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for me.” 

“He was my friend” Steve responds, “I killed him, left him to die.”

“I abandoned him,” Natasha murmurs from where she has drawn into herself, sitting with her head tucked into her arms. “He needed me to be there for him and I left him because I trusted you, and I regret that more than anything." 

"I never meant for this to happen," Steve says, "Never meant for it to go this far, I thought he was okay, if I had known-"

“That's not the point," she hisses, eyes blazing with hurt and anger, "He's gone, Steve, He's dead - all because you wouldn't listen, because this war was more important to you than the life of your own teammate."

She turns, looking at the body on the floor, "I just can't believe it, my mind cannot comprehend that he's gone but this is it, Tony Stark is dead and it's all our fault."

Clint scoffs, glaring at him, "Some of us more than others."

Outside the window he can see the tower getting closer and closer. Manhattan is glowing, illuminated with thousands of little lights, flashing at him from every direction. Steve thinks of Tony's arc reactor, cracked open and devoid of the familiar, comforting blue it emitted. He can see Bucky tearing into it with his metal arm as he stood and watched. 

Sam clears his throat from the cockpit, “Ready for landing.”

The quinjet shudders to a stop, Steve climbs out, he see’s Vision and Wanda making their way towards him, behind them stands Bruce, smiling shyly with his hands in his pockets, and Pepper with red eyes and a tight smile, strawberry strands of hair have escaped from her usually immaculate chignon and her charcoal pencil skirt is littered with tiny wrinkles. 

"Bruce," breathes Steve. 

“I heard Tony was missing, came as soon as I could” replies the scientist, “Did you find him, Captain?” Pepper questions, "I've been so worried, nobody knew where he was, I'm going to kill him when I see him, that is if James doesn't do it first." 

Steve feels smaller than the specks of dust on his shoe. The shield drops from his hand to the floor, still covered in dried blood. 

He hears Pepper gasp; behind him Sam and Bucky lower the stretcher to the floor. All hell breaks loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really difficult to write, i apologize for any errors or mischaracterization!
> 
> please remember to comment/give kudos if you enjoyed it <3


	4. black hole

The bitter wind encases his body but it is seeing Pepper on the floor next to Tony’s body, loud, broken sounds escaping her mouth that truly chills Steve’s bones. She has lowered the cloth down to his neck and his broken face is on full display. 

Bruce stands still, hands on his head, clutching his hair tight, knuckles white with the strain. He takes large, shuddering breaths that wrack his body.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. 

His skin is tinted with a familiar green shade that travels up his hands, the color swirls in his irises. He turns toward the balcony, holding tightly to the edge, trying to ground himself. Whether it is in anger or disgust at the grotesque display Steve does not know.

Tears stream down her face, dripping onto the floor below as Pepper runs her hands through Tony’s hair, smoothing it down, moving it out of his eyes. The tenderness of the scene tugs at Steve’s heartstrings. 

Steve grits his teeth, digging his fingernails into his palms. 

This was not supposed to happen. He had played the possibilities of a reunion through his mind during countless Wakandan nights, when memories of Tony plagued him, left him unable to sleep without seeing the man lying on the floor of a bunker in Siberia, looking up at him with betrayal in his eyes as Steve brought the shield down on him until it was coated in red.

Steve looks down at his hands; they were littered with red crescent marks, the welts already scabbing over and disappearing.  
They will always be covered in Tony’s blood.

Pepper’s sobs turn into coughs, suddenly she is hacking; short, painful inhales of cold air that only burn her throat more. 

Bruce moves, hands her a bottle of water, which she drowns in one go. 

Natasha moves forward from behind him, extends her hand in an attempt to console the woman. Pepper flinches back, looks up at them as if she is only now registering their presence. “Who did this,” she asks, deadly calm, scanning their faces. 

“Pepper, I think you should-” Natasha begins.

“Tell me who did this,” she demands, her voice raw and scratchy. “Who k-killed him? Was it you?” she looks to Bucky, “Did you do this?”

“Ma-am, I-” Steve cuts him off.

“I never meant for this to happen, I never wanted to hurt Tony” Steve answers, thick with emotion, “But I did, it’s all my fault, I did this, I’m going to turn myself in-” 

“You killed Tony?” Bruce asks in disbelief. Wanda looks like she has seen a ghost.

Pepper stares at him. Lips pursed tight, chin wobbling. Suddenly she is on her feet, smashing her fist to the side of Steve’s jaw. Bruce closes his arms around her waist, pulling her back as she screams and kicks. 

Her knuckles are bruised and bloody while Steve cannot feel a thing. He had never hated himself as much as he does in this moment. 

“I’ll kill you,” she yells at him. Her eyes are wild as she shakes with fury, straining against Bruce’s firm grasp on her. 

Bucky takes a step forward. Sam holds his hands up, “Hey now-”

“Who the fuck are you?” Pepper snaps at him.

“Your just going to hurt yourself” Sam replies, he has hunched into himself, lowered his head in shame. “He can’t feel a thing.” He is steadily avoiding Steve’s gaze. 

Steve looks her in the eye, “I’d let you kill me, God knows I deserve it, but I don’t want you to think this isn’t affecting me, Pepper, this is crushing me, I, Tony was one of my closest friends, I never meant for this to happen-”

“I loved him,” she hisses. I loved him too, Steve thinks. Look where that got him.

“You don’t- you don’t get to do that Steve.” Bruce grits out, “For once in your life, realize that it doesn’t matter what you meant to happen, this is what happened, Tony is dead, and you killed him.”

The tension is rising thick around them, and Steve feels as if he is drowning in it.

“I want you out of here,” Pepper breathes. “All of you get the hell out. I never want to see any of you around here again.”

Steve steps forward.

“I take full blame, for what happened.” he replies, “The others shouldn’t be punished for my mistakes.”

Bruce huffs, “Some mistake.”

“You left him.” she hisses, “All of you, you left him and now he’s dead.”

“And where were you?” Natasha shoots back, “You broke up with him when he needed you, you left him just as much as we did.”

Bruce straightens his shoulders; “I though you were on his side for most of it, Natasha. I guess being a double agent and a spy is in your blood at this point. How many times it is that you’ve betrayed his trust now?”

Natasha clenches her jaw, brows furrowed and eyes red, she looks down at her feet. The image feels wrong; Steve has never seen Natasha look so vulnerable. 

Clint snorts. “Really, Bruce? You want to talk about breaking trust? Where the hell where you when all this shit went down? We were trying the fix things while you were meditating and drinking herbal tea halfway across the world.”

“I believe you had retired at that point, Agent Barton,” responds Vision, voice calm yet steely. “You made the decision to fight alongside the Captain on your own. You were not obligated to fix anything.” 

“Nothing was broken in the first place.” Bruce states, looking at Steve with disgust in his features. “You started this war out of your own selfishness,” he turns to Clint, “and you all followed him because you didn’t trust Tony.”

“After Ultron, there wasn’t a lot of trust left,” says Clint.

Bruce lets out a bitter laugh.

“That’s low, Barton. After Loki got into your head, turned you into his puppet, Tony didn’t once blame you for the things he made you do.”

“Tony made his own decisions,” says Natasha “no one made him do anything, no one could make him do anything.”

Bruce nods to where Wanda is standing solemnly. “This little witch over here was the catalyst to Ultron.” 

“Leave Wanda out of it” Clint warns.

“I’m guessing Tony never told you what she showed him when she was snooping around in our minds. She made me destroy Johannesburg and she forced Tony to create Ultron.”

Wanda's features are twisted with guilt, but Steve see's no regret on her face. 

Pepper sniffles. “He told me, one day, said it was his biggest nightmare, all of us - dead. I told him that was my biggest nightmare too, and that was why I couldn’t be with him any longer. I couldn’t take him going into battle, knowing every day could be his last.”

Clint looks stricken. “Tony wanted to save the world” Bruce continues, “But he realized when he made a mistake, and he did what he could to stop it because he knew he had to be held accountable for them. He nods towards them. “That’s the difference between you and him.”

Pepper swipes at her wet cheeks, pulls the cover up over Tony’s face, leaving a light kiss on his forehead as she does. She gathers herself.

“I thought the he would die doing something reckless and stupid and incredible. Saving the world. I never thought it would be his own teammate who’d kill him. You will pay for this; I don’t care if you're Captain America, I will make you pay. I want all of you out of here. Vision and Bruce may stay, the rest of you have one hour to disappear, if you are still here after that I will remove you myself. 

Natasha looks at him, she looks absolutely wrecked, as Steve watches her leave he knows this is last time he is going to see her in a long time. 

Steve has no reason to stay any longer, any of the belongings he has left in tower he will not be needing again.He looks to Pepper, “It’s not enough, and it’s never going to be enough but I will pay for this for the rest of my life. I’m going to turn myself in, I can guarantee you, you will never have to see me again.”

He turns, unable to face his former teammates, or the body on the floor. Nobody stops him, and that hurts the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait! the next chapter should be out earlier! this was a tough one to write and i hope i did the characters justice.
> 
> and don't worry rhodey will feature in the next chapter!
> 
> please remember to kudos/comment, i promise i read all of your comments (i'm a little late on responses but those will come later today!) and i love any criticism you all leave. i have tried to incorporate a lot of it into this chapter and i hope you see the difference! i also made some edits to the previous chapters if you want to check those out.
> 
> love you all <3


	5. supernova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end.

Steve doesn’t go to the funeral. Tony’s broken face is embedded into his mind. Sleep evades him; night terrors wrack his body, leaving him shaking. He can see Tony, lying on the cold ground, the light in his eyes flickering and dying. 

He has almost forgotten what the man had looked like when he was alive; all that his mind can conjure is the image of his lips - almost black with frostbite, and the deep, purposeful cracks in his suit. 

In his dreams they are always in Siberia. Tony frowns at him, “You did this, Steve” he says, “This is all your fault.” Bucky is a small mercy, but half the time he looks at Steve as if he is just seeing him for the first time. He doesn’t want to get better, and he can’t make him. These days Steve can hardly get out of bed. 

Their Shield issued rooms are sparse and cold, but he is grateful for that. He does not deserve anything better. He does not deserve anything. He is the lowest of all living creatures. 

The TV is on when he makes his way to the shared common room between his and Bucky’s sleeping quarters. The latter is already there when Steve approaches; he looks at him, moves to switch the channel. 

Steve looks at the screen, sees James Rhodes in a wheelchair, speaking through gritted teeth as tears stream down his face. He takes in the ebony casket lying in front of the man, the small room of people who sit in mourning, a sea of black. “Stop” he croaks, Bucky looks at him with his big, pitying eyes, “Steve, you don’t have to watch this.” “No” he replies, “I do, I have to.” 

The other man stands up, squeezing Steve’s shoulder as he makes his way back to his room. Steve looks back to the TV, he can make out a few familiar faces in the crowd, Pepper who is clutching a sobbing young boy, Bruce, and Vision, sit in the front pew, next to a petite brunette woman, an older lady, and a familiar teenager whose face is screwed in repressed tears. 

Maria Hill is also in the crowd, along with Phil Coulson, Helen Cho, and surprisingly Sharon Carter. Scott is there, so is Laura Barton. Other superheroes he didn’t even know were close to Tony sit silent in grief, Reed Richards and Emma Frost. 

There are journalists but even they look upset, heads bowed down. Some of the people there Steve has never seen before.

Rhodes wheels himself down from the stage. Steve rubs his wet cheeks; he hadn’t realized he was crying. 

\--

The days flicker away. He hasn’t seen Sam or Clint in months; Wanda is presumably under Vision’s care. Natasha has disappeared, gone without a single trace, but if Steve sees a flash of bright red in a crowd he still stops, expecting to see her gleaming eyes and knowing smirks, but she is never there. 

He hopes she has found peace, wherever she is. 

He runs into Rhodes once, as he walks out of the elevator at Shield headquarters. The man lunges at him, screaming his throat raw. Steve stands straight and still as security wheels him away, guilt tears through him, it is a feeling he has grown intimately familiar with. 

He doesn’t look Rhodes in the eye. 

It is just as he avoids looking at his reflection, breaking all the mirrors in his room, pulling out shards of glass from his knuckles and savoring the pain. It’s as close to salvation as he can get. He is terrified of his own eyes, and what he might find inside of them.

He runs. Bucky follows. They find a small run-down cottage in the middle of nowhere. He burns his suit, destroys his phone. All that he brings with him are the contents of one small suitcase: some clothes, a sketchbook, charcoal. 

They spend the next two years fixing up the house. They paint the rooms different shades of blue and green, build a bookcase, a rocking chair, a porch. Steve plants a garden, grows wisteria, lavender, forget-me-nots. He picks fresh mint, sage, thyme, and rosemary. 

They don’t work. They don’t need to. They have enough savings to last over a lifetime. They don’t need much anyway. 

The build a chicken coop, eat fresh eggs for breakfast. Bucky learns to bake; he makes cakes and pies, then macarons and tarts. One day they find a kitten, and 10 yards away his mother hit by a car. They name him Teddy. 

The thick forest and narrow streams clear his head. The world slowly forgets about him. He becomes a footnote, a mention in a school textbook. He never sees any of his old teammates again, doesn’t try to find out what happened to them, doesn’t think he’d always like the answer. 

He fades away, lets himself forget everything but the color of Tony’s eyes, the hurt on his face, the gruesome details of his death. Those are the things he carries to the grave. 

Those are the things etched into his heart. He breathes in the cool morning air, hears the humming of the arc reactor in the wind, and walks inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this is so late, i had a tough time writing it! i hope the end did it justice and that you all enjoyed it, thank you so much for following this story and for all your wonderful comments.
> 
> lots of love <3
> 
> works inspired by this one:
> 
> http://romanticdestruction.tumblr.com/post/148602790611/made-this-for-the-hollow-man-by-borginburks  
> by Skellyrox


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